Some Things Just Ain't Right

Some Things Just Ain’t Right


Listen. There are some things that are just not right.

Me in a Speedo.

RoseAnn Barr singing the National Anthem.

Michael Jackson at your family reunion.


You get the idea.....well, apparently Trace Adkins, the famous country singer, doesn’t get it.

Let me explain as I sit on my badonkadonk. What’s a “badonkadonk”? It’s “ghetto” for rear end, butt, ass, etc. It is commonly used in the following ways: 1) Man, she got a big badonkadonk, (I think that that is bad) or 2) Man, that badonkadonk got it goin’ on. ( which I believe is a good thing).

In any event, badonkadonk is not a part of country culture................well, it wasn’t until now. Trace Adkins has a song on the radio entitled “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.” I wish I was kidding, I really do. Here are some of the inspiring lyrics:

Husslers shootin' eightball
Throwin' darts at the wall
Feelin' damn near 10 ft. tall
Here she comes, Lord help us all
Ol' T.W.'s girlfriend done slapped him outta his chair
Poor ole boy, it ain't his fault
It's so hard not to stare
At that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk
(Aww son)

Now Honey, you can't blame her
For what her mama gave herYou ain't gotta hate her
For workin' that money-maker
Band shuts down at two
But we're hangin' out till three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
(Ooh, that's what I'm talkin' bout right there, honey)

(That's it, right there boys, that's why we do what we do
It ain't for the money, it ain't for the glory, it ain't for the free whiskey
It's for the badonkadonk)

Apparently, she’s got it goin’ on like Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong. That’s a monkey, isn’t it? Of course, there may be a sly country music trick of the tongue because Donkey is another word for “Ass.” Not only is this song a disturbing clash of country and ghetto culture, it has to include references to really old video games. There are so many things wrong on so many levels with this song.

“Whoo-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma.” Slap your grandma? What’s that about? It appears that grandma didn’t slap Trace Adkins enough while he was young.

You know, it’s rare when a song’s lyrics leave me almost speechless. I try to think of something to write that’s funny about the song, but the lyrics have done it for me. Trace Adkins has achieved what no one before has ever achieved. “Ghetto-Country Fusion.” In my next blog, I will explore some interesting Ghetto-Country Fusion possibilities.

And, by the way, that culture-creating Trace Adkins’ does what he does for the badonkadonk.

Blawgerman