Embracing Your Inner Nose........

In my recent journey to get in touch with my inner nose, I have discovered some very interesting things and some very disturbing things.

First, I never knew just how much you take your nose for granted. You go along for years sniffing, sneezing, snorting, snoring, smelling, an d generally not realizing how nice it is to have a pain-free nose. That all changes the minute you let a doctor cut up the inside of the old sniffer.

I had knee surgery and took two vicodin. I had surgery on my fingers and took one darvocet. I had nose surgery and took a bottle of vicodin and called the doc begging for more. As I was trying to embrace the pain, I had a disturbing realization that I was experiencing what Michael Jackson has experienced so many times before......nose reconstruction! He’s like my brother in pain. Like.......a brother from another planet. And I thought vicodin made my head spin! I used to think Michael Jackson was a sissy. Now I view him as a nose war hero. Well, maybe that’s why he has a problem with pain-killers.

After derailing that disturbing train of thought, I began to realize just how many things affect your nose on a day to day basis. There is nothing like shooting, searing pain to let you know that a part of your body is being affected! Smile and your nose moves. Frown and your nose moves. Yawn. Sneeze. Sniff. Speak. Laugh. Cry. Eat. Breath. Everything moves the old schnozzola. I find that you can’t prevent your nose from moving during the above-detailed actions either. It’s not like you can get a nose sling from the doctor.

The other interesting thing that I find is just how much you can really smell things when you don’t have your entire nose blocked off by a deviated septum. Foods that I used to like now really stink. Yuck. I long for the days of blissful smelling ignorance. I didn’t really realize just how offensive body odor was until I got on the elevator with a really skanky fellow. Man, how do you normal-smelling people do this on a day-to-day basis?

Blawgerman