'Roid Rage, Anyone? (Steroids Suck)

Hey, hope you guys missed me. Between strep throat and surgery for a deviated septum, things have been a bit rough for the Blawgerman. But, I’m climbing back in the saddle and ready to explore the silly, stupid, sad, sinful, sorry, scummy, and otherwise scurrilous behaviors of our fellow human beings.

Let’s start with some baseball guys who just happen to hold some pretty serious baseball records. Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds. Bonds, of course, will pass Henry Aaron for the most home runs in a career in the next year or so. He also holds the season record for home runs at some ungodly numer (Babe Ruth’s 61 was thought to be unbeatable....the 4:00 mile....the 8 second 100 yard dash......). I guess we didn’t count on the added boost that can be found in steroids, human growth hormone, blood doping, and other ingenious ways of adding superhuman strength to the human body (damn the cost to the body, of course).

Jose Canseco, a fellow Cuban, is the guy who broke the “brotherhood of silence” by writing his tell-all about steroid use. It seems he is finding out that not much pays like baseball did, and writing a book blasting everyone was some quick and easy money. Anyway, he says that Jason Giambi (a league MVP), Mark McGuire (home run record), Barry Bonds (home run record) were all on the juice along with Canseco.

Bonds, like the child that he is, brings his kid to a press conference and informs the press that they have finally beaten him and his family. They won’t have Barry Bonds to kick around anymore. His kid just sits that and looks sad. Pity the guy. He’s making more money than some countries just to play a kid’s game, and he’s crying foul. There is also a press leak that Bonds admitted to maybe taking steroids received from his trainer, who just so happens to provide all the other big steroid users in baseball.

Look at the man. He started the game as a trim, athletic player just like his father. A threat to hit home runs and steal bases with a mean glove in the outfield. Now he’s 40. He’s gained 90 pounds of muscle mass and is in better “shape” that he was at 28. Maybe he’s the anomaly. Maybe he’s the one guy that can keep working the weights and end up running forever. Of course, genetics tells us that 40 year olds should be declining in strength and endurance and not having their best home run years in their late 30s and early 40s.

Mark McGuire testifies as the US Congressional Hearings on Steroid use in baseball. He appears and looks emaciated. He has lost over 70 pounds since leaving baseball. Did he just quit working out? Or did he quit using steroids once his main use for them (namely, making millions and millions of dollars as a pro athelete) was completed. He dodged every direct question as to whether he used and answered he was there to “look to the future.” Gimme a break.

The truth of the matter is that because pro sports pays obscene sums of money for professional athletes at the top of their sports, there will be millions of dollars invested in finding the newest and best chemical enhancements for those athletes. They are willing to pay and they are willing to risk giving away years of their lives in their lust for power and fame (remember Lyle Alzado? Football player making a comeback at age 40 by being pumped full of Human Growth Hormone, or HGH. He didn’t realize the HGH would cause him to suffer a brain tumor that grew at the same rate his muscles were expanding. He’s dead.)

I do, though, find it funny that baseball steroid users warrant Congressional Hearings when every Sunday, the Washington Redskins take the field in our nation's Capitol and some 100 abnormally large, abnormally athletic freaks of nature descend upon the football fields and wreak havoc on one another. No one has requested a Congressional Hearing on how a 285 pound linebacker can have 3% body fat and run the 40 in 4.4 seconds.

Well, I’ve got to go take my writing steroids and hope no one finds out (especially Congress or even Jose Canseco!).

Blawgerman