I Just Don't Love Her Anymore.......Divorce Sucks

Almost 50% of marriages end in divorce in our country. I get to deal with a great many of them on a day to day basis in my practice. People come in and are willing to lay down serious jack just to be rid of their current spouse. When I suggest that they pick up the money and try counseling, over 90% of the potential clients say that they are not interested. By the time they have the retainer and come to my office, they are committed to going through with the divorce.

People come to me and say various things as the reason that they are ending their marriage. Many times people will say, “I just don’t love her anymore. We’ve grown apart.” What that usually means is that “I have been having sex with someone at work and it’s way more exciting than marriage ever was.” It is very rare that a person will leave the security of a relationship, even a bad one, if there is not something better out there for them.

It’s also amazing how little some spouses see when they are in the midst of the turmoil. I have had guys come to me and tell me that their spouse has lost thirty pounds, has bought new clothes and lingerie, and is staying out late with her girlfriends. I tell that person to wake up and smell the coffee and to admit that their spouse is having an affair. Most times they get mad at me for suggesting such a heinous thing. It usually doesn’t take long to find out I was right.

People also come to me and say that they want a “good” divorce. They believe that it’s better for the kids not to be subject to the constant fighting and turmoil of their relationship and that the kids will “understand” that Mommy and Daddy need to be happy. I don’t know where they get the idea of a “good” divorce, because I have yet to see one. Both sides are worse off financially than during the marriage. The lack of finances of their parents and the cost of the divorce cost the children in a very practical way. More importantly, every kid believes that the breakup is his or her fault. If you don’t believe me, ask a teacher. They see first hand the impact of divorce on children. People that are seeking a “good” divorce are just kidding themselves and trying to justify their own selfish actions.

Then there are those parents who knowingly use the children as weapons and pawns in their war against their spouse. There is no excuse for involving the children in your hatred of your spouse or ex-spouse. The children will feel used and manipulated and are put in the middle of a battle that they didn’t want and can’t end. I’ve even had parents ask me if I could put their child on the stand to testify against their spouses! It is hard for me to believe that they don’t know what impact they are having on the children.

Divorce is rampant in our society. It’s devastating impact on children will be felt for generations and generations. If the strength of a country lies in the strength of its families, America is in a world of hurt. It is difficult to tell children that they have to aspire to an ideal that their parents failed to achieve. It is difficult to find role models of marriage that children can look up to. What will our society look like in two to three generations? Will marriage even survive? What will the emotional cost of all of the divorce and turmoil really be? Unfortunately, we will find out.

Blawgerman