What You Say and What You Mean (Communication Sucks)

When you are in a divorce situation and your lawyer SAYS, "We have information which gives us significant leverage in your settlement negotiations," what it MEANS is, "Let's blackmail the witch!"


When you're on the phone and SAY, "Well, I've got to let you get going," what it MEANS is "I can't think of anything that you might possibly say that would keep my interest for more than the next nanosecond."


When someone SAYS to you, "Would you like a Tic-Tac?" it MEANS, "Your breath smells like skunk-butt."

When someone SAYS "What a pretty baby!" what it MEANS is "Is the father human?"

When someone SAYS "What a pretty baby! " what it MEANS is "That kid is so ugly you'll have to rub him with pork chops to get the dog to play with him."


When your wife asks, "Does this make me look fat?" and you SAY, "No way, you look great!" it MEANS "Your butt is so big that we could re-enact civil war battles on one cheek!"

When your husband asks, "Do you mind if I go hunting?" and you SAY, "Sure, honey, I'd be glad to let you go," it MEANS "I would pay people to get you out of the house and, by the way, could you fall on a loaded shotgun while you're out?"......it MEANS "Do I mind? No. I mind if you come home again!".......it MEANS "Great, go kill an innocent, beautiful, loving doe, Tarzan."....... it MEANS, "Great, now I'll get to go shopping and spend the same amount as Nimrod does on camo clothes, guns, and four-wheel drive vehicles!"

When someone SAYS "My child made the honor roll!" what it MEANS is "I"m obviously way smarter than you."

When someone SAYS "Mind if I smoke?" what it MEANS is "Can I blow second-hand smoke into your lungs and kill you even faster than I'm killing myself?"

When someone SAYS "I'm starting my diet tomorrow," what it MEANS is "Tonight I'm going to eat everything that isn't nailed down in the house."

When someone SAYS what they MEAN, communication can really suck.


Blawgerman