This is real. The names and animals have been changed to protect the innocent.
The players: Alcoholic Husband, Long-suffering Wife, Friendly Family Poodle.
The scene: Long-suffering wife has finally had enough and has moved out of the family home, taking with her the beloved poodle, Fifi. Long-suffering wife is now renting a home and is sitting at home minding her own business, petting Fifi.
Action!: Alcoholic husband comes home to find himself alone, drunk, and angry. The bitch even took the dog. After drinking some more, Alcoholic husband decides that Long-suffering wife must come home. Leaving the home in a drunken rage, Alcoholic husband arrives at wife's rented home.
Wife tells him to stay out. Unwilling to take "no" for an answer, husband bashes through the screen door and barges into the home. He sees the dog and kicks Fifi. Wife yells at him to "stop hurting the dog!" Husband says, "Oh, you're concerned about hurting the dog? I'll show you about hurting the dog."
Husband picks up Fifi and hurls the terrified poodle at Wife, hitting her in the chest with the poodle projectile. Fifi crashes on the floor and takes off for safer shores. Wife, who is no dummy, is waiting for the police to appear because she called 911 when she saw Husband's car in the driveway.
Police arrive and hear the sordid tale. Husband is arrested for the following:
Domestic violence for hitting his wife with a poodle, a 93-day misdemeanor.
Animal cruelty for hurling the poodle, a four-year felony.
The moral of the story? The animal lobby is doing a heckofa better job than the womens' lobby. Oh yeah, if you toss a dwarf at the soon-to-be ex, you will be charged with two misdemeanor assaults. If you toss an animal, you'll get charged with a misdemeanor and a felony. Toss the Dwarf!
I'll leave it to you to determine what exactly sucks about this story.
Blawgerman
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