WARNING – the terms in this Blog may be offensive to some.
WARNING – the terms in this Blog may also describe the writer and/or the reader.
What’s in an Ass? Do we really want to know? Despite the fact that some of our Asses are quite ugly and quite disgusting (or maybe because they are), our society seems to have some fun with ways to use the word to describe people and things.
1. Ass – In the Biblical sense, you are a donkey. You are the rear end of a person or animal. This is used to conjure up images of you being quite similar or indistinguishable from a stinky, smelly, ugly region of the body of a person or animal.
2. Asshole – More specific. You are the hole in the rear end of a person or animal.
3. Pain in the Ass – You cause other people’s rear ends to have pain, apparently through your actions or speech. How the pain accumulates in the Ass is a medical unknown, unless you are being a pain in the Ass by kicking someone there.
4. Something shoved up your Ass – Quite descriptive. Used for someone who seems uncomfortable or downright ornery. “Something” is a bit vague though, leaving a lot to the imagination.
5. A corn cob up your Ass – Ah, yes. This is very specific. A corn cob is used to show exactly why the person is uncomfortable or ornery. The cob may either have corn kernels still on it or not. It is unclear whether the cob was cooked. One wonders where the idea came from in the first place.
6. Your Ass in your hand – Used to describe the state of utter humiliation and defeat. Very appropriate phrase to describe the state of most husbands in the world.
7. Your Ass handed to you – Interesting. How one’s Ass can get handed is to him is a quite intriguing. The idea is that you are so wrong or defeated that your Ass has fallen off in shame and the victor has picked it up for you and given it back (it may be difficult to bend down to pick up your Ass if your Ass is actually gone).
8. Work your Ass off – Although it sounds like a new exercise video, this phrase is used to describe the state of working so hard that your Ass actually drops off of your back. Though used quite often, it has never actually been verified. It is also a phrase which typically means, “I worked a little harder than yesterday, but I want you to think I was killing myself out there.”
9. Smart Ass – Giving the Ass credit for somehow affecting one’s intellectual abilities is mystifying. Nonetheless, a person who has a knack for language or action that irritates others, is said to have an Ass that is “smart.”
10. Dumb Ass – This is more like it. A Dumb Ass is the typical state of Asses. They are not smart by nature. This phrase, however, is meant to convey that the person in question has an Ass even dumber than the typical Ass.
11. Kiss Ass – Yuck.
12. Ass Kisser – Yuck. Yuck. – We all know them. Some of us might even be one. In the typical usage, one can Kiss Ass without actually being a bona fide Ass Kisser. Although this is a finer distinction, it is important.
13. Foot up your Ass – A medical anomaly. It must be speaking of someone else’s foot. This refers to mistakes that you make which grant others the right to kick you in a very specific area, causing you discomfort and causing you to become ornery. It is better to be the foot than the Ass in this phrase.
Blawgerman
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