You wake up and realize that you’ve forgotten your anniversary. Already your Ass is in a Sling. You know that you will have to do some serious Ass Kissing if your wife finds out you’ve forgotten. The last thing you want is your Ass handed to you on a Platter on your Anniversary.
Getting out of bed, you Get your Ass in Gear and head to the mall. You see your friend working at a swank shop and you stop by for help. You tell him that you’re up to your Ass in Alligators and you tell him why. He simply Laughs his Ass Off. That gets you mad and you threaten to Kick his Ass unless he helps.
That’s the ticket. He tells you to “get your Ass Outta Here” and head straight to the chocolate shop because chocolate and flowers are your only hope. You get to the chocolate shop and unload your problems to the salesperson. She suggests you buy the most expensive chocolate assortment in the store, and you balk. The salesperson tells you to stop being a Tight Ass. That works. You buy a Kick Ass chocolate assortment and head back home.
On the way back, you stop to buy flowers and a card. For once, you believe that your Head is not Up Your Ass and that you have things handled. However, when you get home, you realize that something is way wrong because your wife is acting like she has a Corn Cob Up Her Ass. You look at the calendar and realize what a Dumb Ass you are. Yesterday was your Anniversary, your Ass is Grass, and your wife’s runnin’ the mower.
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