OK, Lawyers Suck!

Let's get it over with. I'm a lawyer. I can really suck. In fact, I deal on a daily basis with lawyers, who, as a whole, suck. Why? Let me count the ways:

1. They have clients who suck and want to pursue sucky endeavors and the lawyers lack the will or desire to oppose their clients.

2. They are intoxicated with the power that comes with knowing the system and how to navigate the system.

3. They are abusive and look forward to the feeling of superiority over their clients, who know little or nothing about the legal system.

4. They have listened to their professors and peers when they are told that you can't make things personal and be a good advocate. Instead, they show the iron, steely glare of a hired killer. (which, of course, they are in a legal sense)

5. They have listened to their professors and peers when they are told that you can't make value judgments for your clients, you are simply to be a client's tool so long as the client's objective is "ethical" (in a legal sense).

6. They have a vested interest in the legal battle going on and want the fighting to continue because they profit from a long, drawn-out battle.

7. Greed.

8. They know the judges and their individual preferences and use that knowledge to do things like remove men from the homes that they built and paid for, to remove children from one parent or another, and generally to favor one person over another (the lawyer knows that what one judge will do in a given case will be completely different that what another judge will do. i.e. one judge will favor women in all divorce cases, one judge may never grant alimony, etc., etc.)

9. They spend all day fighting other people's fights and then come home and wonder why they interrogate their spouses and children.

10. They were never hugged as children.

There. Feel better? Lawyers can really suck. Deal with it and lets move on to explore suckness in other areas!

Blawgerman