It's A Bear Stearns Market!!!! Look Out!!!!

It's a Bear Stearns Market!!!! Look Out!!!!!

Ok. Pretty weird. I wake up on Monday and find out that Bear Stearns has been bought by JP Morgan for $2 per share. Bear Stearns has been a top notch investment banking firm for 85 years. Last year, its stock was selling at $172 per share. This year, it had been selling for $30 per share. Now, it is sold for $2 per share and it seems like the deal just popped up overnight.

JP Morgan has, of course, offered to guarantee all trading until the Bear Stearns shareholders approve the deal. What does that mean? Guarantee. Sounds like Mr. Potter calling Harry Bailey during the bank run to say that he would guarantee all the accounts at the Savings and Loan. Wow. What's really going on?

Then, the Fed announces that it has cut the emergency lending rate to 3.25%, dropping it a quarter of a point even before it's regularly scheduled meeting. The Fed never does that. But it has now. Rumor has it that they will drop the emergency lending rate to 2.0% today. Sniff the air........ The smell of a financial meltdown is wafting down the corridors of the Fed. People are frightened, and they are frightened about what could happen. The Fed has been frightened into dropping rates even before their meeting. Their immediate and unparalleled action doesn't quell my concerns, it only heightens them.

People have made casual comments about the crash of '29, but for the first time, I think that there is some real fear that the US Economy may nosedive from its already compromised position. I hope I'm wrong. I pray that I'm wrong. But isn't it a little weird that a company announces that it has accepted a buyout offer at $2 per share and their workers showed up for work on Monday morning to find out about the sale when the rest of us did? Deals like this traditionally take a long time to work out. A fire sale price of a company that survived the Great Depression being announced on Monday morning (taking everyone, including Bear Stearn employees, by surprise) smacks of desperation.

Hoping I'm Wrong,


Blawgerman

Being a Prophet is a Lonely Thing

Being a Prophet is a Lonely Thing.





Well, I hate to say "I told you so," but .......I told you so. I am reprinting a blog that I wrote in April of 2006 and I invite any and all of you to tell me what I got wrong. The topic? Oh, those billionaires at the Oil Companies.......



Here we go, and remember, I wrote this two years ago:


What’s That Sucking Sound? Oil Companies Sucking the Life Out of Us!

Big news!!!!

Oil companies suck. No surprise, I guess. But I feel the need to spew. I saw a most disturbing sight this afternoon. On my way home, I looked up and was amazed at how many people were lined up at the local BP gas station. No one was at the Shell station across the street. The reason? Shell was at $2.89 per gallon and BP was at the lowly price of just $2.69 per gallon. The size of the line reminded me of the gas rationing of the 70's (yes, I am that old).The sight just sickened me. We are already conditioned to think that $2.69 per gallon is a deal worth lining up for!!!

Anyway, I’m getting mad thinking of my Republican friends who worship at the altar of “market forces.” Well, Market Force this........In my previous blogs I mentioned that no new oil refineries had been built in the US for the past 25 years and, in fact, numerous refineries have been shut down during that time! There is no oil shortage, there is a refinery shortage in the US. With the limited refining capacity, what incentive is there for the big oil companies to invest in more refineries? Easy. ZERO.Why should they? They have us by the collective short hairs. They have posted record profits (36 Billion last quarter alone!) during this “crisis.” They are just fine with the refinery shortage. Any threatened disruption causes a 25 cent price spike. The oil companies just pass that along (and more). It certainly doesn’t harm their bottom line, so what do they care? What have our Republican President and Congress done about this “shortage?” Zip. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. The big ZERO.

Of course, what can they say? Market forces........market forces...........market forces...........market forces........... It’s kinda like a mantra.........until it bites you in the butt. What should they do? Easy. Nationalize the oil industry. Regulate the industry. Build some national oil refineries. Any of these options take the big oil companies out of the price-rigging business. Since all of the oil companies are acting in concert, the US must do one of the above. Why let big oil companies dictate prices to us? They are affecting our national politics and economy and are apparently above the law (since nothing is being done to them). To drive prices down, there must be more refining capacity in the US and there is no incentive for the oil companies to do that. So, you can stick your head in the sand and hope somehow for relief from the high oil prices. Unfortunately, the truth is that there is no incentive for any of the companies to help us.

Blawgerman

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (?)

Well, I'm back.

Personal issues have sidetracked me for a long time. Today, for the first time in a while, I believe that my head is back on straight, and I have enough interest in the outside world to care once again. So.....hold on tight, 'cause the blogging is about to begin......

Blawgerman

Back At Ya! (Help Me Understand Back Pain)

Yo, Dawgs! (Oops, my rapper personality temporarily took over)

You know, sometimes I am so smart I just outdo myself. Like heating my home. Last year I went out and bought a new outdoor wood furnace. I'm thinking that my heat bill will plummet and that I will get some much needed exercise. Well, that has been true. But I am finding that I didn't quite think everything out.

First, my house was built in 1853. That's like a long time ago. They didn't have things like insulation, plumbing, wiring, etc. Fortunately, they did a really crappy job in blowing in insulation in the house in the 1960s. Now, when the walls are taken off, you can see that the insulation has settled into the bottom half of the walls. Great. My house is half-insulated. My only consolation is that when I turn on the heat, all of my city goes up at least one degree!! Who says I'm not doing my part?

Anyway, my gas bill dropped from $420 per month year round (payment plan) to $36. I am so smart! Well, kinda. What I didn't think about was just exactly how much wood I would have to cut, split, and stack. At last count, I have burned the equivalent of at least two rainforests worth of wood. Burning isn't even so bad. Imagine, stacking a rainforest's worth of wood. Then imagine taking the wood off of the stack just to throw it in the woodstove. All the while, please remember that each piece of wood weighs about, oh lets see, 200 pounds! Day and night I feed the outdoor woodstove beast. Day and night it needs feeding. Hundreds and thousands of pounds of wood! All lifted at least twice (sometimes more if I took it out of the woods) by yours truly.

See, one of the assumptions is that I would be able to do the wood everyday. That assumption held true until last night. Last night, I filled the wheelbarrel up with enough wood to last through the night and into the next day. When I went to pick up the wheelbarrel, something went "boing" in my back. Great. Immediately I am hunched over like Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein!

I gently tossed the wood I had into the stove and hobbled back into the house. Being a tough guy (redundant?), I laughed in the face of pain and went to bed. Three sleepless hours later I realized I should have taken the heaviest pain killer we had, but I was so sore I could not bring myself to go downstairs for some much-needed relief. I did, however, learn that exhaustion eventually cancels out the pain.....so I slept a little.

Next morning? Well, let me put it this way............well, I better not. Suffice it to say that it was not a pretty sight seeing me drag my carcass out of bed and stumble down the steps. There are many things that you don't think about day to day until your lower back gives out. Really practical things become very difficult. Let's just say that going to the bathroom becomes a chore (and I will let your imagination run with that one......quite the mental image, eh?).

Well, I write as one taken down by the ravages of back pain. Done in by a wheelbarrel. Stumped by stumps. Beseiged by the common tree. I write as one chastized by mother nature, who seems to be quite unhappy with the way I'm destroying her trees and belching out sooty smoke into her atmosphere.

I guess it's easy to wax eloquent when back pain limits you to one sitting position for the whole day. Fortunately, (or maybe not so fortunately for you) it was a position suitable for typing. So I bid you goodbye, and may you stay warm without the need for trees!

Painfully Yours,

Blawgerman

OK. The Old Name Sucks. Time for a New Name.

Ok. Ok already.

The old name sucked. I know. That's why I liked it.

But change is inevitable. My new title is "Help Me Understand." I find myself asking that question over and over again when people come to me for help. Help me understand why you _____________________ (fill in the blank with some incredibly dumb act). The funny thing is, most people don't even understand why they do what they do, so they really are of no help. But that won't stop me from asking the question!

I thought about changing the name to "The Blog Formerly Known As I'm Ok, You Suck," but maybe that would be drawing too much from Prince or the artist formerly known as prince or whatever he's calling himself now.

So, I'm ready to continue the adventure.....................

Blawgerman

Even More Least Likely Books........

Even More Least Likely Books..................



How to Run a Winning NBA Team..................Isiah Thomas

Smart Motorcycling..............................Ben Rothlesberger

My IQ and My Tire Inflation Pressure Are Not the Same.................Dale, Jr. (Sara, I wonder which one is higher, ‘cause I hear that tire inflation can be as high as 60 PSI?)

Clutch Soccer When It Counts...................................US World Cup Soccer Team

Making $40,000,000 While Doing Nothing.......................Larry Brown

A Dummy’s Guide to College Parties...............................Duke Lacrosse Team

Smart Golf on the 18th Hole.................................................Phil Mickelson

Making $125,000,000 While Playing a Kid’s Game.................Alex Rodriguez

Responsible Gambling.......................John Daly and Charles Barkley (Forward by Janet Gretzky and Michael Jordan)

Hey, I Was Responsible First and Should Be in the Hall of Fame..................Pete Rose


Sportingly Yours,


Blawgerman

Shortage? What Shortage?.........Sucks to Be Out of Gas.

Shortage. What Shortage?


Okay. I know I write about this alot.....but it never seems to end. Gas shot up to $3.09 this afternoon from its formerly “low” price of $2.79. There’s a “shortage,” I’m told. Interesting.

When’s the last time you went to the gas station and they told you, “Whoa, guy. There ain’t no gas left. We’re plumb out. Try next Tuesday!?”

My guess is that you haven’t heard that during our “gas crisis.” Well, that’s because there is no shortage. All it is is a manufactured crisis orchestrated by the very people who profit from the high prices.

Everyday, millions of gallons of gas are being pumped into cars and there has been no shortages or outages from any gas stations that I’ve heard about. Life goes on as usual, except that gas prices are through the roof, oil companies profits are beyond outrageous, and inflation is rearing its ugly head because gas prices are being passed on to consumers.

The government? Well, they do things like lowering the federal gas tax on ethanol and biodiesel fuels. But the problem with “lowering” the taxes is that the taxpayers have to make up the shortage. So again, we are paying indirectly for the higher gas prices and we are again subsidizing Shell, Mobil, and the rest of the oil guys.

I don’t know. Our government is like the Wizard of Oz. They are behind the curtain bellowing “Cut gas prices or you will be in trouble!!! I am the Wizard!!!! You will be harmed!!!!” All the while, the oil execs are looking under the curtain and laughing at the little guy (uncle sam) who has absolutely no power over them.

$3.09. It’s a good thing that the yellow brick road is a walking path.

Ozly Yours,

Blawgerman

The Answer My Friend Is Blowing in the Wind

The Answer, My Friend, Is Blowing in the Wind.................Sucks to Walk Through Chest-High Grass......

Grass and me.......... Grass and I....... Grass and myself.......... Well, we just don’t get along. My last blog dealt with the evil grass at my father’s house. This one deals with the chest-high grass gently blowing in the wind at a property that I purchased last year, which, coincidently, was the last time the grass was mowed there. That’s right. Last year.

The story goes something like this:

Years ago, Husband obtains two “project” boats. Husband has more “vision” than brains or time. Project boats become fixtures in the back yard. Plants grow inside the boats. Wife becomes increasingly agitated with permanent lawn ornaments. Son is graduating. Wife demands boat relocation to new property. Out of sight, out of mind. Husband has just a little brain matter. Moves boats.

There you have it. The boats were “put out to pasture,” so to speak. As a friend and I moved the boats, we had to walk around in the chest high grass. As we were walking, the grass was breaking and blowing seeds, spores, dust, pollen and all sorts of nasty stuff up and into my lungs, nose, eyes, ears, and face. By the time I drove the 15 miles back home, my eyes had swollen almost shut (“Cut me, Mick!”) and the whites of my eyes turned an insidious, hell-red color. I looked like a vampire from a grade B horror flick.

I went to the drugstore and bought benadryl pills and liquids. I sucked down two pills and drank a bunch more of the stuff than was actually useful. The swelling around my eyes began to slowly subside. I went to McDonald’s for lunch. The drive-through person looked at me like I was from another planet (I wasn’t). I resisted the urge to say, “Dude, I got the munchies!” I got back to the office and started feeling bad. Then the benadryl kicked in. People would ask me how I felt and I’d say, “purple.” They’d look at me funny. I’d say, “Listen, if you don’t want to know how I feel, don’t ask!” Finally, my agents asked me to go home because I had outlasted my usefulness at the office. I left.

That night, my temperature spiked to 103.8 degrees! I drank fluids and felt miserable. I finally fell asleep at 3:30 am only to wake up drenched in sweat like I had just run a marathon. Great. I flushed the fever and will be back to ok...............wrong. Next night, the same old thing. I call the allergist. He says something like this...................... “Let’s see.................you have allergies to grasses.........you just walked through chest-high wild grasses in the middle of the height of grass and hay fever allergy systems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me think.........................”

I never get a real doctor. I just seem to get out-of-work comedians. Anyway, now I’m sucking down steroids in an attempt to quell the grass-related uprising in my body.

Ah well, just like my other steroid-sucking friend says...........“I’ll be back.”

Steroidingly Yours

Blawgerman

Sucks to Have One of Those Days......

Sucks to Have One of Those Days...........


We’ve all had ‘em. One of those days when it feels like you’re skating uphill...in molasses.

Well, yesterday I went to my Dad’s house to cut the grass. It’s a pretty small yard. However, since his death, I’m finding it difficult to go to the house. Well, what that means is that I have neglected cutting the grass. By neglect, I mean that the grass was about waist high. That looks real great in the city!!! My Dad’s neighbor called to “remind” me that if the city comes and cuts the grass, they send out a bill for $500 bucks!

After driving three hours, I got out of the Suburban and into my Dad’s house. I changed clothes and was gearing up to cut the waist-high wasteland. I thought things were going my way when the lawn mower started on the first pull! My Dad’s lawn mower is gas-powered and self-propelled. That bad boy started hacking away grass in a hurry!

As I was zipping along in the front yard, I smelled something funny. Looking down, I saw smoke coming from the engine. I shut her off and checked the oil. Nothing. I filled it up and started her up again. Three minutes later.....smoke. I looked closely at the engine. Oil was pouring out of a crack in the engine. Great. You know me. Joe Gearhead. I wouldn’t know how to fix the thing if I had my own mechanic telling me what to do!

Of course, knowing that you know nothing never stops you from trying. So, there I am, 7:00 pm on a Thursday evening with a lawn mower that is hemorrhaging oil. My Dad’s neighbor comes with tools. He doesn’t know how to use them. Awesome. Dumb and Dumber trying to fix the mower. It becomes apparent after about five nanoseconds that the lawn mower is not going to be fixed. The neighbor asks if I want to borrow his lawn mower. “Yes,” I replied.

He brings over an electric lawn mower with about a thousand foot cord. The cord weighs more than the mower. I plug it in and it makes a little bitty ‘hmmmmmmm’ sound. I push the lawn mower into the waist-high grass and discover it is not self-propelled. In fact, all it seemed to do was push the grass down. When I pulled the mower back toward me, it cut some of the grass. I had to do each swath twice! I think that I could have chewed the grass off faster than I was cutting! Oh, yea, the cord kept falling out of the mower, so there I was trying to push the mower with one hand and hold the cord in the mower with the other hand and keep from running over the million foot cord with the other hand!

Did I mention that the grass was high? So high that I spooked a rabbit. Wildlife in Detroit! I think it was like 1900 AD or so the last time a rabbit was spotted in our neighborhood.

Did I mention that high grass is a breeding ground for mosquitos? Well, let me put it this way, I had two mosquitos land on my nose because every available spot on each arm and leg was being taken up by their blood-sucking relatives!

Three and one-half hours later, I was done with a lawn that used to take me 30 minutes to do with a real lawn mower. Sweaty, beaten-down, and mosquito-infested, I finally hit the shower. You can’t wash off mosquito bites! I stood in the shower telling myself that I really needed to thank my neighbor for lending me his electric lawn annoyer (it didn’t cut the grass, it just really annoyed it). I also had to thank him for the 1000 foot cord and what a neat time I had raveling and unraveling it. Then I looked out at the grass. It looked like the lawn was attacked by a drunk, half-blind barber with dull shears!

Ah, well. I’ll either buy a new lawn mower or invest in goats.

Mosquito-ly Yours,

Blawgerman

Sucks to Be Charlie Brown.............

Sucks to Be Charlie Brown........


Lucy. What a Chick!

She wants to hold the football for Charlie to kick. Problem is, Charlie doesn’t believe her because the last million or so times, she has pulled the ball back just as Charlie is about to kick it, sending him flat on his back. She begs. She pleads. Eventually, Charlie, being ever so forgiving and trusting (naive?), relents and runs up to boot the ball.......well, you know what happens.

Here’s my problem. I just realized that I am Charlie Brown.

What do I mean? Well, as the fog in my head comes and goes due to the fact that I stayed up until 2:30 am last night watching hockey, I have moments of relative clarity. In those moments, I realize by “Charlie-Browness.” See, the Red Wings won the President’s Cup for the best regular season record this year. They got the record for wins on the road. They won everything in sight during the regular season. They face the team with the worst record of all playoff teams in the first round of the playoffs. Lord Stanley himself would put big money on the Wings, that is, if he were still alive.

At somewhere around 2:20 am, the Edmonton Oilers scored a sudden-death overtime goal to hand the Red Wings their second loss of the series. We are down 2-1 in the best of 7 series. Worse, though, is the fact that the Red Wings are playing like they are thinking about their tee times instead of the Stanley Cup. I trudged up to bed at 2:30 am muttering and thinking of bad words.

This morning, I got up at 6:00 am, my mind a sluggish, gooey mess from lack of sleep and Red Wings induced depression. As I nursed my first cup of coffee (the first of many, many, cups), I had my Charlie Brown epiphany. As the sun rose, a brilliant ray of sunshine shone down upon me. The skies cleared, and I believe I heard a chorus of angels. In that moment, I realized that the Red Wings were Lucy. They are the ones that tempted me and begged me and cajoled me to watch them win the Stanley Cup. They are the ones that told me to forget about the early playoff losses in the last two years despite their outstanding records. They are the ones who told me to forget my vow to never waste time watching playoff hockey again. And, to make things worse, they succeeded! Last night at 2:19 am I was running furiously toward the ball, set to kick it for all it was worth. At 2:20 am, the ball was lifted and I landed flat on my back. That is where I remain today (in a figurative sense).

Let’s see, the next game is Thursday night. Wonder where I’ll be?

Blawgerman

Quick Response to Sucking Economy Blog

Man, I got a quick response on the last blog. Here's what it says:


"Hey Blawgerman, you have something very wrong. The new minimum wage law was a very "sudden" change by the republican's, it was their bill and law. The Republican bill has greater increase wages, in a shorter time frame than the one the Dems were attempting to put on the general ballot in November. Why would the republican's suddenly change their position and push the bill through? You should give the proper credit to the party for the bill. Yes, the gov did sign the bill..."



Hey, I'm very willing to spread the blame to the Republicans and Democrats alike. I still would have liked Jennifer to veto that bad boy.

Correctedly yours,

Blawgerman

We're Movin' On Up! Didn't it Suck to Be Last?

We’re Movin’ Up!!!!!!

Great news!!!!

Michigan’s economy is no longer last among the 50 states!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!! Way to go Jennifer Granholm!!!! WE ROCK. Didn’t it suck to be last?


Well, maybe we don't rock. But it is good not to be dead last. I mean, we could be like Louisiana and recovering from a massive hurricane and the destruction of a major city. Something like that could make us 50th (like they are). Or maybe Microsoft skips the $4 Billion bonuses this year and makes it look like our economy and personal incomes are dropping (like what happened in Washington state – now 49th in the nation).

But what’s our excuse? No weather tragedy. No Microsoft. What’s the reason that we are 48th?

Better yet, what are we doing about it?

Well, it looks like we are going to raise the minimum wage. Great idea. We want to be “employer friendly” and attract employers. What’s the best way? Ratchet up the minimum wage. You betcha! Let’s not go up a little, either. Let’s jack that baby way up. The new minimum wage will be $7.15 per hour in two years. I bet companies are just lining up to get some of this stuff!

We already have the worst unemployment rate in the country at 7.3%. Some economists can “prove” that for every 10% increase in a minimum wage, there is a corresponding 1% increase in the unemployment rate as employers choose not to hire new laborers. Wow! We are raising our minimum wage by 40%. That could mean a 4% increase in unemployment. Great thinking, Jennifer.

How could I say it better than economics professor Mark J. Perry who wrote in the Flint Journal:

“Raising the minimum wage will hurt Michigan's struggling economy and the already fragile labor market, especially the displaced workers who will be priced out of the labor market by artificially high wages. How can the thousands of unemployed, unskilled Michigan workers be better off without a $7.15-an-hour job than they would be with a job that pays $5.15 an hour?”

Oh, well. I think that I’ll just sit back and revel in the fact that we are movin’ on up in the economic rankings, at least for now. Doesn’t 48th feel so much better than 50th? So hey, I’m going to enjoy it now, because I get a sinking feeling that we’ll be sinking again.

Titanically Yours,

Blawgerman

Evolution of Math

Here's a response to one of my blogs that I thought was pretty good, but hey, you do the math!






Subject: Evolution of Math

Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.

The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents
from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there,
holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the
screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and
tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but
she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to
explain the transaction to her, she stood there and
cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the
1950s:

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?


Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?


Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.


Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is
selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the
habitat of animals or the preservation of our
woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the
question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the

logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong
answers.)


Teaching Math In 2005

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera por $100.
El cuesto de la produccion es $80. Cuantas tortillas
se puede comprar?



I’d say mucho tortillas but it depends where you go.



Another blurb I read back in the seventies that stuck with me out of a Fat Freddie and Free Wheelin’ Franklin comic. It was in a side panel to a Fat Freddie’s Cat adventure.


Man reading paper at lunch counter: Sez here that 75% of all Americans lack basic math skills.



Man on next stool: No kidding? Is that a lot?



Keep 'em coming

Blawgerman

More Least Likely Books

World’s Least Likely Books --------- Part 6


A Guide to Proper Speaking ------ George W. Bush (comes with a bonus paperback entitled Countries With Nuke-u-lar Weapons )

How to Lose Weight ------- Mike Villar

Critical Thinking Skills ------- Anna Nicole Smith

A Guide to Attracting Old Guys -------- Anna Nicole Smith

Winning Football ------ Matt Millen

Nascar Takes Brains ---------- Dale, Jr.

How to Play Professional Baseball ---------- Michael Jordan

Personality Counts --------- Steve Forbes

I Really Should Have Been President --------- Al Gore

Natural Beauty --------- Joan Rivers

Be a Team Player --------- Terrell Owens

How to Beat a Drug Test ---------- Ricky Williams

How to Get Better at Baseball at Age 38 Without Taking Steroids ----------- Barry Bonds

Least Likely Yours,

Blawgerman

Globalization.................Sucks

Globalization.......................sucks

NAFTA. CAFTA. HAFTA?

No. We don’t have to have globalization. What has it accomplished for the US? Maybe it has helped some of our companies, but does it help in ways that we want it to?

I was listening to NPR this morning and Governor Arnold from California was talking about his plan to reduce greenhouse gasses in California over the next 5-10 years. They then interviewed a businessman who countered that increasing the cost of doing business in California would just encourage more businesses to leave the United States and go to other countries who do not have the same concern for the environment.

Well.......isn’t that what’s been going on for the past 10 years? Our politicians talk about us “competing” in the world market and our need to have lower cost workers and lower costs of production. Let’s get something straight, “lower costs of production” means moving to countries where workers earn squat and the governments don’t care what kinds of pollutants you are dumping into the soil or pumping into the air or washing into the water.

We want our companies to be regulated and we want our citizens to be safe. But then we turn around and make it easy for US companies to send jobs and factories to countries where they can “lower production costs” at the expense of the citizens of that country. If you simply add 2 and 2 together, we are practically forcing our companies to move out of the US.

What globalization really means is that greed driven choices will dictate that companies produce products in the poorest countries and will produce products in a fashion that gives no real concern to the long or short term health consequences for that country. In that way, the companies will have low wages and low regulatory costs, enabling them to pump out products that can be bought cheaply at Wal-Mart. Our US company stocks then soar. Our US shoppers get low cost items. However, the number of people who can afford Wal-Mart stock and who can afford low cost items is shrinking due to the massive job losses brought about by “globalization.”

Companies will not continue to operate in the US when “globalization” means that they can get the benefit of being a US based company along with paying the wages of a third world company and without the costs of burdensome US environmental and social costs associated with hiring US workers. Why pay into the US social security system on thousands of workers when you can move your factory to China and pay far less?

Our decision to globalize means one thing. We will not get our jobs back until we are willing to work at wages paid to third world workers and until we are willing to allow companies to blast noxious chemicals into our air, land, and water.

Globally Yours,

Blawgerman.

What's That Sucking Sound? The Oil Companies' Money Machine!!!

What’s That Sucking Sound? Oil Companies Sucking the Life Out of Us!

Big news!!!! Oil companies suck.

No surprise, I guess. But I feel the need to spew.

I saw a most disturbing sight this afternoon. On my way home, I looked up and was amazed at how many people were lined up at the local BP gas station. No one was at the Shell station across the street. The reason? Shell was at $2.89 per gallon and BP was at the lowly price of just $2.69 per gallon. The size of the line reminded me of the gas rationing of the 70's (yes, I am that old).

The sight just sickened me. We are already conditioned to think that $2.69 per gallon is a deal worth lining up for!!!

Anyway, I’m getting mad thinking of my Republican friends who worship at the altar of “market forces.” Well, Market Force this........

In my previous blogs I mentioned that no new oil refineries had been built in the US for the past 25 years and, in fact, numerous refineries have been shut down during that time! There is no oil shortage, there is a refinery shortage in the US. With the limited refining capacity, what incentive is there for the big oil companies to invest in more refineries? Easy. ZERO.

Why should they? They have us by the collective short hairs. They have posted record profits (36 Billion last quarter alone!) during this “crisis.” They are just fine with the refinery shortage. Any threatened disruption causes a 25 cent price spike. The oil companies just pass that along (and more). It certainly doesn’t harm their bottom line, so what do they care?

What have our Republican President and Congress done about this “shortage?” Zip. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. The big ZERO. Of course, what can they say? Market forces........market forces...........market forces...........market forces........... It’s kinda like a mantra.........until it bites you in the butt.

What should they do? Easy. Nationalize the oil industry. Regulate the industry. Build some national oil refineries. Any of these options take the big oil companies out of the price-rigging business. Since all of the oil companies are acting in concert, the US must do one of the above. Why let big oil companies dictate prices to us? They are affecting our national politics and economy and are apparently above the law (since nothing is being done to them). To drive prices down, there must be more refining capacity in the US and there is no incentive for the oil companies to do that.

So, you can stick your head in the sand and hope somehow for relief from the high oil prices. Unfortunately, the truth is that there is no incentive for any of the companies to help us.

Blawgerman

Oil Companies Deserve More Money!!!!!!

Oil Companies Really Suck. Let’s Give ‘Em More Money!!!!!

Exxon-Mobil made over $36 Billion in 2005! In fact, they made $9.9 Billion in the 3rd quarter of 2005. Shell only made $9 Billion in the 3rd quarter. And lightweights BP, Conaco, and Chevron only made $6.5 Billion, $3.8 Billion, and $3.6 Billion respectively in the 3rd quarter. That’s over $30 Billion in profits in one quarter alone!

In the 3rd quarter alone, the oil companies made profits that amount to $110 for every man, woman, and child in the United States. That is profits alone. Their gross income was much higher. Let’s see. My wife and I have four children. $110 per person per quarter equals about $37 per month per person. So each month, the oil companies make $222 in profit from my family alone. In fact, they probably make a lot more from me because I have high heating costs for my home and I have kids who are out on the roads burning up rubber and gas every day.

I hate to be an “I told you so,” but here I go....( I guess I don’t really hate being an “I told you so.”). This is what I said in my blog on December 12, 2005:

What is our legislature’s wise and compassionate response? “Well,” they say, “we will make it more difficult for the gas companies to shut off the heat during winter.” Wow. Gimme a seat before I fall!

Don’t they see how short-sighted their answer is? Great. We get people through the great heating crunch of 2005-2006. Their gas can’t get shut off until April or May. When will they be able to pay the bills? Maybe never. So....what happens next year when heating season rolls around? The gas companies aren’t the bad guys because they aren’t shutting people off during the heating season, they are just refusing to turn the gas back on for the poor people who still can’t pay last year’s bills.

The effects of this year’s winter will be devastating for many, many people whose budgets are stretched before the heating season starts. I can only pray that the people that run the government will not turn a blind eye to the poor and needy and will resist the urge to put in stop-gap measures that just delay the time when the piper must be paid. In the meantime, I’ll start cutting up the dining room table for kindling.

Well, it has happened. Based upon the fact that there is a huge number of people who cannot pay their heating bills this year, our Congress has just introduced legislation to give the poor and needy $1 Billion in additional heating assistance to help pay the devastating heat bills from this past winter. That’s right. $1 Billion in additional assistance.

But let me ask you this. Why should I have to pay the big oil companies record prices for their products so that they can make record profits and then turn around and pay higher taxes to help needy people pay their gas bills? Isn’t this just another $1 Billion subsidy for Exxon-Mobil and the other oil fatcats? I just don’t get it. If our government had any power over the oil companies, they would say, “Listen, dip into your $30+ Billion 3rd quarter profits and fork over $1 Billion to help the poor.” That would be less than 3% of their 3rd quarter profits! I think that they could tighten their belts and make it without too much discomfort.

It seems criminal to foist the burden of unpaid oil and gas bills on the general public when we are the ones already getting fleeced by the big oil companies, especially since that same $1 Billion is only a fraction of the profits raked in by the oil companies last year.

Blawgerman

More You Know You're Too Fat...........

I received a great response from my friend the "Rabbit King." I don't know how he knows so much about being fat......Here is the response:



Hey mucho, mucho blawgeeeto,


You know you are too fat……


When kids play “king of the mountain” on you

When finding your belly button is a surgical procedure

When your family has to join hands to hug you

When you fall asleep at the beach in your truck tire inner tube and the Coast Guard puts a buoy marker on you

When you turn around really, really fast, your belly button is behind you

When you don’t need another guy to go on a double date

When the “Big and Tall” outlet puts you on special order

When weight watchers offer you a million dollars to pose for the before sign

When you go swimming whales make mating gestures toward you

When more than one dog pees on your ankle while waiting for a bus



Don’t be discouraged, keep your “chins” up…



Rabbit King

You Know You're Too Fat When..........

You Know You’re Too Fat When...........


People keep referring to you in the plural.......


You’re the only guy in the County who violated the truck weight load restrictions when you were by yourself in your Escort........


Rickshaw operators see you and feign injury.........


Your six-person hot tub is kept half full so it doesn’t overflow when you get in.........


You’re told that you put the Hog in Harley............


You walk into a fancy restaurant and the maitre d’ asks, “Table for Two?”...............


Your tailor also does parachutes and hot air balloons....................


Overweightly Yours,

Blawgerman

Change....

Lots can change in a little time.

Many of you know, but my father passed away this past Sunday. He was at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. His passing was peaceful, and Janet and I were there when he took his last breath.

My father was a remarkable person. He came to the United States in 1956 (he was 27). He worked full time in Cuba since 2nd grade and did not get to go to 3rd grade. Nevertheless, he taught himself to read and write in Spanish and English. He took and passed his US Citizenship test in written form in English.

He will be missed.


His death was a reminder to me that every day counts. As a good friend of mine was told during his service in the Vietnam war, "If you're not dead....live." That's what I encourage you to do today. Live.

Blawgerman.

Ghetto-Country Fusion Remixes!!

Ghetto-Country Fusion!


Well, my last blog explored the disturbing Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk song by Trace Adkins, who may well be the father of Ghetto-Country Fusion music (someday people will ask, “what did we listen to before Ghetto-Country Fusion?”)

Due to the outstanding results obtained by Trace Adkins, the following Country Stars are doing Ghetto-Country Fusion remixes of their old favorites. Here’s a list (in some cases, the final title of the new songs have not been decided upon, so I gave you all the possible names being considered):


Old Song – "She's Got It All" - Kenny Chesney

New Song – That Bee-atch Be Iced Out.......or............That Hottie is All That.

bee-atch
1. A way of saying the word “bitch.”

iced out
1. wearing a lot of jewelry "Check out all that bling-bling, you're iced out!"

hottie
1. used to describe good looking guys or girls. "Check out that new kid, he's a hottie!"

all that
1. of a superior nature; wonderful or attractive. "That boy is all that." "That song is all that and a bag a chips!"



Old Song – "Single White Female" - Chely Wright

New Song – Fugly and no man.....or.......Yo, I’m a Pigeon

fugly
1. very ugly. Derived from fu@*ing ugly

pigeon
1. an ugly girl. "Quit mackin’ on those pigeons over there." 2. a girl who goes with all the guys, whether or not she has a boyfriend, usually just for sexual favors.


Old Song – "Bubba Shot the Jukebox" - Mark Chesnutt

New Song – My Homie Bubba Done Busted a Cap in da Jukebox So Nobody’s Jammin’ On da One.


homie
1. n. Old word (derived from the Hispanic Americans who used "homes" as a label for others) that means friend or companion. "Whasup Homie?"

bust a cap
1. v. To shoot someone. **See "I'll bust a cap . . ."

jammin' on the one
1. “Getting down” to music, especially oldschool jams like Stevie Wonder. Some know this from the Cosby Show back in the day. "That song's jammin' on the one! Baby!"



Old Song – "Daddy's Money" - Ricochet

New Song – Daddy’s Bling Bling or Daddy Got Bank

Bling-bling
1. (sometimes pronounced “Blang-Blang”) Used to be jewelry such as silver, platinum, or diamonds and sometimes gold. Now the word expands to describe extremely expensive style of clothes, cars and general life-style. "Did you see Donald Trump’s house in The Apprentice- I’ve never seen so much bling bling!" or "Jose’s blinging it!"

bank
1. money. Usually a lot of it. "He got bank!"


Old Song – "Friends in Low Places" - Garth Brooks

New Song – My Boys (My Dawgs) Be So Ghetto..............or............... My Dawgs Be Hangin In Tore Up Skanch Houses.


boy
1. n. Your friend or some one you admire. "Yo, I’m chillin’ with my boys tonight” or “Shaq is your boy right? He got lit up in last night’s game."

dawg
1. n. a title for your friends, see "homie." 2. a guy who goes with all the girls, even if he has a girlfriend. A tramp. "Jimmy's such a dawg! Look at him over there with those hoochies."

ghetto
1. adj./adv. 1. Something undesirable. "That place is ghetto." 2. Something excellent. **See “ghetto fabulous.” 3. Saying or doing something you don’t have to. Like hanging your clothes on the balcony when you have a dryer they can be put in.

tore up (pronounced "toe up")
1. adj. Messed up. Ugly or run down. "Fix your hair, it's all tore up!" 2. Also refers to being under the influence; drunk or high. "Did you see Joe at the party last night, man, he was tore up."

skanch
1. adj. repulsive and skank-like (see "skank") "Your girl ain't nothin' but a skanch queen!"


Well, now. I can’t wait for these remixes. It’s almost as bad as waiting for the next Harry Potter Book.....or for the last Star Wars movie............or..........forget it. Just be ready when the Ghetto-Country Fusion juggernaut blows all other music out of the water!

Blawgerman

Some Things Just Ain't Right

Some Things Just Ain’t Right


Listen. There are some things that are just not right.

Me in a Speedo.

RoseAnn Barr singing the National Anthem.

Michael Jackson at your family reunion.


You get the idea.....well, apparently Trace Adkins, the famous country singer, doesn’t get it.

Let me explain as I sit on my badonkadonk. What’s a “badonkadonk”? It’s “ghetto” for rear end, butt, ass, etc. It is commonly used in the following ways: 1) Man, she got a big badonkadonk, (I think that that is bad) or 2) Man, that badonkadonk got it goin’ on. ( which I believe is a good thing).

In any event, badonkadonk is not a part of country culture................well, it wasn’t until now. Trace Adkins has a song on the radio entitled “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.” I wish I was kidding, I really do. Here are some of the inspiring lyrics:

Husslers shootin' eightball
Throwin' darts at the wall
Feelin' damn near 10 ft. tall
Here she comes, Lord help us all
Ol' T.W.'s girlfriend done slapped him outta his chair
Poor ole boy, it ain't his fault
It's so hard not to stare
At that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk
(Aww son)

Now Honey, you can't blame her
For what her mama gave herYou ain't gotta hate her
For workin' that money-maker
Band shuts down at two
But we're hangin' out till three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
(Ooh, that's what I'm talkin' bout right there, honey)

(That's it, right there boys, that's why we do what we do
It ain't for the money, it ain't for the glory, it ain't for the free whiskey
It's for the badonkadonk)

Apparently, she’s got it goin’ on like Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong. That’s a monkey, isn’t it? Of course, there may be a sly country music trick of the tongue because Donkey is another word for “Ass.” Not only is this song a disturbing clash of country and ghetto culture, it has to include references to really old video games. There are so many things wrong on so many levels with this song.

“Whoo-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma.” Slap your grandma? What’s that about? It appears that grandma didn’t slap Trace Adkins enough while he was young.

You know, it’s rare when a song’s lyrics leave me almost speechless. I try to think of something to write that’s funny about the song, but the lyrics have done it for me. Trace Adkins has achieved what no one before has ever achieved. “Ghetto-Country Fusion.” In my next blog, I will explore some interesting Ghetto-Country Fusion possibilities.

And, by the way, that culture-creating Trace Adkins’ does what he does for the badonkadonk.

Blawgerman

Dr. Mike's New Diet Revolution!!!

Millions and millions of dollars are spent by us fat people on every new diet fad that comes around. People eat cabbage, bananas, all meat, all vegetables, and any other thing that you can imagine so long as it comes packaged with the promise of eternal and lasting weight loss.

Just turn on the late night and early morning informercials and you will find formerly fat people singing the praises of the six-week body makeover, the Atkins diet, and many other diets de jour. Us fat people look at the skinny people in the infomercials and decide to lay down $39.95 per month for the chance to change our bodies. Fitness Celebrity Jon Basedow, here I come. Take me to six-pack ab land! (I think that I still have abs somewhere down there).

Now really, if it were that easy, would America be so stinkin' chock full of hefty, oversize people? The real results of the fat loss gurus? Well, let me put it this way, the only thing I lost on my last diet was $39.95 per month for 4 months! (But I did get some cool stretchy band things that are supposed to shape me into an athlete in 15 minutes per day!)

Anyway, I started thinking. The reason that most diets fail is because people fail to achiever their short-term and long-term weight goals and then they just give up. Most people just can't stand failure. So I figure if I can come up with a diet that eliminates failure, I'll soon have enough to build next to Bill Gates. Well..... I have had a dieting epiphany.

Here's my thinking. Eliminate failure. My diet focuses on success. I am trying to reach the person who wants to set realistic, achievable goals. So, what's reasonable? It's simple. I've tried it. It works.

My plan? Well....I set my goal to gain 5 pounds before Thanksgiving. I gave myself three weeks, which I felt was realistic. I made cards for my three main eating groups: chips and salty snacks, chocolate and desserts, and red meats. Each day I have to pick at least three cards from each group and eat the corresponding food on that card. I achieved my weight goal in less than two weeks!!!

Instead of feeling defeated and depressed for failing to meet my goals, I was excited about overachieving for once in the weight-watching world. I even celebrated by going out to eat!!!! Get ready folks, this is the diet wave of the future. Guilt free overeating designed to achieve realistic goals. Move over Richard Simmons!!!!

Oh, gotta go. I hear an ice cream truck and I'm on a strict diet.

Blawgerman

Show Me the Money!!!!!

Follow the Bouncing Gas Increase!!!!


The first thing to do in a murder investigation is “follow the money.” If someone got murdered, it’s always good to see who benefits from the murder. The wife may get a whopping amount of insurance, the business partners may have a cross-life insurance policy on the dead guy, or the victim may have double-crossed someone or failed to pay a debt. In any case, following the money is an established investigative procedure.

Well, let’s do a little exercise called “follow the bouncing gas price increase.” We are all getting murdered little by little by gas prices, so let’s see who’s killing us.

Lets start with an innocuous vegetable. Say corn.

Last year’s seed is stored in warehouses at Kernels R Us. Kernels R Us sells it to a local feed store. Kernels R Us gets hit with an extra large shipping bill because the trucks delivering seed now spend 50% more in fuel. The local feed store passes on that increase to the consumer, Farmer Jack. (In this blog, we’re not going to follow the bouncing natural gas price increase, which is also careening towards us consumers)

Farmer Jack drives down to the local feed store and orders his corn. The local feed store delivers to Farmer Jack, passing on their gas price increases to Farmer Jack. Farmer Jack has to work his fields with his John Deere machinery which run on.....you guessed it....gas! Farmer Jack now has to sell his more costly corn at a higher price to cover the increases at the warehouse, local feed store, and his own fuel cost increases.

Farmer Jack’s crop is a good one and he sells it to a corn wholesaler. The wholesaler pays more this year and also has to ship the finished corn product from the field to it’s warehouse in Nebraska for processing, and incurs 50% higher shipping costs than last year.

Once the corn hits Nebraska, it’s churned out into little cans of beautiful kernels and shipped yet again to supermarket warehouses all over the country (If you listen quietly at this point, you will hear the gleeful chortling of Arab Oil Sheiks and Exxon executives).

The supermarket warehouses now ship their canned corn to each of their individual stores, again incurring increased shipping charges. The bright, shiny can of corn then sits precariously on the supermarket shelf awaiting you, the eager corn-chomping consumer. Oh, yea. You get to drive down to the store to pick up your groceries and incur more costs just getting to the store.

You get the picture. Now. Multiply this effect by asparagus, beets, green beans, and broccoli. Then go outside of the vegetable family and think about fruits, dairy, meat, grains, and every other product that is so readily available in our country.

You see, we pay for gas price increases many, many times over. The money trail begins and ends with oil companies and oil exporting countries. But alas, unlike a murder investigation where the murderer gets put behind bars for life, our murderers are doing a funny little money dance all the way to their Swiss bank accounts.

Blawgerman

Michigan Winters Suck!

Cold Michigan Winters Suck!


December has been cold and snowy. Great for skiers and snowmobilers. Bad for people who heat homes and buildings. Oh. That would be most of us.

Natural gas prices are predicted to rise 71% this winter. 71%.

As far as I know, we don’t find natural gas in the middle east. There are no refinery shortages. So, why the heck will natural gas prices rise 71%? In fact, since heating companies are loosely regulated, why would we even allow them to rise that much? Who’s making the money?

Anyway, the real thing that angers me about the whole deal is that the rise in natural gas prices disproportionately affects the poor. Just like the summertime hike in gasoline prices, the poor are getting the short end of the stick.

What is our legislature’s wise and compassionate response? “Well,” they say, “we will make it more difficult for the gas companies to shut off the heat during winter.” Wow. Gimme a seat before I fall!

Don’t they see how short-sighted their answer is? Great. We get people through the great heating crunch of 2005-2006. Their gas can’t get shut off until April or May. When will they be able to pay the bills? Maybe never. So....what happens next year when heating season rolls around? The gas companies are the bad guys because they aren’t shutting people off during the heating season, they are just refusing to turn the gas back on for the poor people who still can’t pay last year’s bills.

The effects of this year’s winter will be devastating for many, many people whose budgets are stretched before the heating season starts. I can only pray that the people that run the government will not turn a blind eye to the poor and needy and will resist the urge to put in stop-gap measures that just delay the time when the piper must be paid. In the meantime, I’ll start cutting up the dining room table for kindling.

Blawgerman

Response to You Know You're Too Fat When......

Got a great response and thought I'd pass it along.

Blawgerman

El hugeo blagero,



You also know you’re too fat when.....

you go into a restaurant alone and the waiter says, “table for two?”

Buzzards fight over air space above you

your “belly flopper” at the local marina results in a tsunami warning

White sharks respect you, whales seek to adopt you, boats try to avoid you, tuna race around you, sea gulls light on you.

the Coast Guard puts a buoy light on you

your get your own personal island designation

when Guiness Book of Records people smile at you in an inappropriate way

when you are escorted around the turnstile at the subway

and when elephants wonder what happened to your trunk.


THINK BIG!! The Widdle Wabbit

Even More Least Likely Books!!!

Eating On A Budget. Bill Gates

How I Created the Internet. Al Gore

Obeying Social Norms. Dennis Rodman

How to Get A Million Bucks (or More). Anna Nicole Smith

Monogamy Can Be Fun. Bill Clinton

Marrying Funny Looking Guys. Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock

How to Stay Happily Married. Elizabeth Taylor

Dictatorships for Dummies. Saddam Hussein

Become an Interesting Conversationalist. Al Gore

Being Humble. Donald Trump

You Know You're Fat When......

You Know You’re Fat When:


You qualify to have your own National Anthem.

The Olympic Committee called and asked how many teams you are sending.

Your Speed Dial directory, in alphabetical order, is Arby’s, Burger King, Dairy Queen, Kentucy Fried Chicken, Krispy Kreme, Little Caesars, McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell.

Your favorite Monarchs are Burger King and Dairy Queen.

Your waist size is measured in feet, not inches.

You’ve had your picture taken at four or more “all-you-can-eat” joints.

You walk up to the counter at McDonalds and they offer you a group discount.

You sign up for an “all-you-can-eat” contest and everyone else drops out.

You’ve convinced yourself that strawberry jelly counts as a “fruit” in your diet.

Blawgerman

Great Response to Nose Business Blog

I received a humorous response to my nose blog and thought you might enjoy it.

Blawgerman


Hey blag, I have heard that you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friends. But I nose that's snot so. I have known a lot of nasal drips, and everyone of them blows. I also nose that even though Lewis and Clark found the northwest passage, it was Jimmy Durante Villar (your great, great uncle from a previous marriage) that discovered the nasal passage. In the 'year of the great snose' the nasal passage was completely blocked until Uncle Jimmy's mother's sister Histamine came and cleared that there nasal passage; she was hand picked and did such a good job that Ante Histamine went down in history as clearing the nasal passage from the snose blockage of '84. There more to this story but there's snot enough time.
Keep your nose clean.


King Bugs

Even More Least Likely Books.....

Eating On A Budget. Bill Gates

How I Created the Internet. Al Gore

Obeying Social Norms. Dennis Rodman

How to Get A Million Bucks (or More). Anna Nicole Smith

Monogamy Can Be Fun. Bill Clinton

Marrying Funny Looking Guys. Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock

How to Stay Happily Married. Elizabeth Taylor

Dictatorships for Dummies. Saddam Hussein

Become an Interesting Conversationalist. Al Gore

Being Humble. Donald Trump

There's Nose Business Like Nose Business!

There’s Nose Business Like Nose Business


WARNING!!!! This Blog contains descriptions of graphic, bloody, gory, and otherwise disgusting stuff. Don’t read it if you get queasy. If, on the other hand, you read it and yak, I will take some satisfaction in my ability to graphically portray grossness. Let me know.



Man, why didn’t somebody slap me? I wrote blogs on my previous nose surgery. You’d think that I would read those blogs and steer clear, wouldn’t you? No. Not me. Macho nose guy that I am. I voluntarily entered into the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist for yet another nefarious nasal misadventure!

Why did I first have my septum redone? Cause I couldn’t breath through the old schnozz. Well, shortly after my septumology (or something like that), I found that I still couldn’t breath. I still had to drown my sinuses in nasal spray just to breath through my newly sculpted septum.

I go back to the specialist and he reminded me that he told me that my turbinates were bad and that we might have to do that after my septum surgery. He was right. He told me that right before I went under the knife the first time. Great. Turbinate-ectomy. What the heck is a turbinate anyway?

Not to worry, he says. Simple. We sonically fry the mucus membranes surrounding the turbinates and BAM!!! you can breath again. ( I couldn’t tell if he sounded more like Emerill or John Madden). Super. It’s just like microwaving my nose. Can’t wait.

How come my many friends didn’t step up and slap me silly. Wake me up. C’mon guys, I needed some help. But no. There is no one so lonely as the guy facing the turbinate-ectomy.

I showed up, nose in hand. What do I see first? A six inch long needle! That’s simply the long skinny needle part of the medieval torture device. Guess where that sucker went? Right. Up my nose. The doc tells me to make a motion when the needle goes into the back of my throat and I can feel the novacaine dibbling down the back of my throat. Does it get any better than that? My “motion” resembles the dying gasp of a bad actor in a grade B detective movie. The doc gets my signal and backs the needle out of the inner recesses of my head. What happens then?

Blood. Lots of blood. As the needle slipped out of my nose, a four-foot spurt of blood shoots out of my nose and hits the wall beside me! Of course, large amounts of blood also flowed out of my nose and onto my face, hands, and clothes. The doc yells. “This has never happened before!” he says. Seeing as how he has practiced medicine for about fifty years, that’s saying something.

There I sat. Blood in hand. Blood in face. Blood in clothes. Oh, yea. My nose was numb, too. What a beautiful sight I was.

Now that half of my nose was numb, all that was left was to fry the mucous membranes of my nose. The doc takes a blue patch with wires hanging off of it and tells me to lift up my shirt. He needs to put this “ground patch” on my back to keep from electrocuting me. He lifts up my shirt and announces that he’s found Sesquatch. I didn’t even know he was a comedian.

Grounded, numb, and bloody. I was ready. Fry away, baby. The little sonic frying device even dinged when it was done, just like a microwave. Three times he fried me, one for each turbinate. Each time, blood would gush out of my nose when he removed the probe. Yet relief was not to be mine. There was still the other side. Another six inch long needle foray to the back of my throat. Another three sonic frying events. You get the message.

Listen. Breathing well probably isn’t worth it. Next time, somebody hit me. But, just in case, don’t hit me in the nose!!!!

Blawgerman

Trifecta!!! A Banner Year for the Debt-Laden!!!

The Trifecta! What a Banner Year for the Debt-Laden!


The first ingredient in our Witch’s brew for the poor is.......OIL PRICES! Through the roof. Oil companies making RECORD PROFITS when prices are at all-time highs. They don’t feel our pain.....they cause it. There is no incentive for them to create more supply. Why increase supply when profits are at record numbers? The big oil conglomerates can close 58 refineries and can not build a new refinery in this county for twenty years and still hide behind the “free market” for the ultimate justification for the pillaging of our society in search of profits. And who do gas prices disproportionately affect? The poor. Gas takes a bigger percentage of their income that those who are better off.

The second ingredient is the Increase in Personal Debt. Since the rise of the recent oil crunch, personal debt has increased drastically. In fact, the personal debt of our country rose over 2% in October alone! Imagine that.....2% in one month. Astounding. What’s going on? At least in part it is due to the increase in gas prices. When gas hit over $3.00 per gallon, people still had to drive. The solution? Throw the gas on a credit card and worry about it later. Well, it turns out that there were more delinquencies in credit card payments in November than ever before.

The final ingredient in our mix? Let’s change the bankruptcy laws! Trifecta!

The same guys who are out there hawking their credit card services and charging people up to 28% interest are the guys who lobby Congress for “protection” from all the “deadbeats.” Congress, rather than telling the credit card companies to quit offering credit to poor risks, agrees and makes it tougher to file bankruptcies. Now the people saddled with debt have to go to credit counseling for six months prior to filing. In addition, the legal fees for filing for bankruptcy just got a lot more expensive due to the recent changes to the law. A double whammy for the debt laden.

Listen, am I saying that it’s OK to try to weasel out of your legitimate debts? No. Not at all. But I have seen widows who have incomes of $900 per month that have credit card debt in excess of $70,000 and who receive new card offers almost every day! They have to get new cards to pay the minimum balances on the old cards! Dogs are sent credit card offers! The credit card companies have to share some of the blame and shouldn’t be the ones to go crying to Congress. Oh well, they got what they want. More chances to collect their 28% interest from the poor guy who can’t even afford credit counseling or who is not reliable enough to complete six months of credit counseling.

Come on, guys. This sounds more like “three strikes and you’re out.” Maybe it is just a weird, random convergence. But planned or not, the impact of these things has and is going to continue to have a profound impact on the poor of our society.

Blawgerman

Weird Things that Happen to Me in Theaters

Weird Things That Happen to Me at Theaters


Ok. I decided to take my three boys to the theater to catch the new Harry Potter film. Being astute movie goers, we decided to go at 9:30 pm on Sunday evening so that we can at least get a seat on the opening weekend. I do the drill and buy everyone enough popcorn, candy, and pop to get sick on through Thanksgiving and we go and find some seats.

My youngest son is sitting next to me and is a definite Harry Potter addict. He’s so excited that he can’t be still or be quiet. As we wait for the movie to start, the Theater only has three ads that it keeps playing over and over and over. Any more ads for Sherman’s Iditarod Ice Cream and I was going to scream.

Just when my senses were being overloaded by the senseless barrage of identical ads being played over and over, I hear a woman behind me say, “Michael?” I assumed that she was talking to her own kid and didn’t turn around. Seconds later, she taps my shoulder and asks, “are you Mike Villar?”

Great. As a lawyer, that question usually is bad. Here I am trying to enjoy a night out with my children and I’m thinking that a disgruntled client or the ex-wife of a guy that I represented is going to say something embarrassing in front of my kids. I turn around and admit that I am, indeed, Mike Villar. Gritting my teeth, I await her response. It turns out that I am totally blindsided.

She asks if I have change for a twenty. I inform her that after the candy, pop, popcorn, and other junk I bought for the boys, that I only have $15 left. “No matter,” she says, and hands me $260.
“What is this for?” I ask. She then tells me the following:

“I spoke to you seven or eight years ago about my son. You really helped him a lot. Well, I’ve owed you $260 since then and have never paid you. In fact, I never knew who you were or what you looked like because I only talked to you on the phone. But, last week, my son was in court again. I heard someone call you ‘Villar’ and figured out you were the guy I owed. I didn’t have any money with me then. Tonight, I came into the theater and you sat down right in front of me. What a sign. I have the money and want to thank you for helping my kid so many years ago.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the $260 was up to $800 with interest! (Just joking). I was amazed. I wrote off her debt seven years ago. If you would have given me a million guesses as to what was going to happen that evening at the theater, getting paid $260 by a client who owed me since 1997 would not have been one of those guesses.

Instead of having to deal with an embarrassing situation or a disgruntled person, I was able to share with my kids the fact that there are people out there who whose conscience causes them to do the right thing, even after seven years. There was no way I would have known who she was. She wanted to make it right and chose to do so. There is hope for us after all.

Blawgerman

Over A Barrel!!!! Oil Companies Suck

Over a Barrel. A whole country. A whole world. Right where Exxon/Shell/BP, etc. wants us.

Oil prices at record highs. Storms send prices skyrocketing even higher. The State of Michigan just approved a 50% rate hike for natural gas for the upcoming heating season. Personal debt rose 2.7% in a single month!!! More credit cards were paid late last month than ever before in history. What's going on?

It's easy. People cannot affort $2.79 a gallon for gas. They also can't afford to lose their jobs, so they have to have gas to get to work. The solution? Put the gas on a credit card and worry about it later....hoping that gas prices will fall soon. The result? Months of putting gas on cards has your limits up and your minimum payments up. You can't make the minimum payments. Then you can't get gas. Then you lose your job just in time to see the first natural gas bill hit the mailbox.

I heard a politician say "We have to cut our dependence on foreign oil." How original. How stupid. We have to cut our dependence on international gas companies. Do you know how many refineries have been built in the last 25 years in the US? ZERO. Do you know how many refinery facilities have been shut down in the past 25 years in the US? 59! Fifty-nine.

Our dependence upon foreign oil is only one part of the equation. The gas companies (which are oligarchies that have conspired to set high prices based upon reduced supply) are the ones who have us over the barrel. It isn't natural disasters that cause the price of gas to rise after a storm. It is the fact that the oil companies have systematically and intentionally shut down refineries to limit production and restrict supply. Why? So that any disruption or threatened disruption will spike prices.

Has it worked? Just look at oil company stock prices and bottom lines. Record profits! They have absolutely no incentive to increase supply. They have no incentive to build new refineries.

The US Government should step in. If oil is crucial to our national economy, why does the US Government sit back and let oil companies dictate reduced supplies to our nation's detriment? Either break up the oil companies under the Sherman Antitrust Act or get into the refinery business and compete with the guys who are intentionally causing such skyrocketing prices.

Who would buy gas from the US Gas Company? I would.

Blawgerman

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back Into The BLOGOSPHERE!!!!!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK INTO THE BLOGOSPHERE!!!!!


I'm back.

Changes.

Rough times.

Thanks for all who knew and were praying for my wife. She is feeling better and we hope and pray that she will have a full recovery.

For those who did not know, my wife had a minor heart attack several weeks ago. The good news is that it was the most minor of heart attacks. The bad news is that it still is a heart attack. They are going to treat her with medication and hope to avoid any invasive type proceedures.

For some who also do not know, I have recently sold my law practice to devote more time to Century 21.

The combination of trying to close down my law practice and then having my wife get sick was enough to bring a halt to my blogging for a bit.

Now my wife is on the mend and I am freed up from the demands of the law practice. All that is left is to figure out something to write about. It'll come.

Blawgerman

Roll Out the Barrel!!!!!

Roll Out the Barrels and We’ll Have a Barrel of Crude!!!!


$3.39. People lining up to pay $2.69 per gallon! It’s now worse than running our cars on gallons of milk. Look around. Where’d the traffic go? The slowdown is on.

Free Market? The holy grail of Republican economics. Trust the free market. It will make everything right if we just keep out of the regulation market. Right. Free market this.

Why do we think the free market gives a flying fart about the US economy? The gas companies are internationals and have stockholders that they care about. What’s going on when gas prices hit record highs and Sunoco stock shoots up $7 per share? Record gas prices are becoming record profits for the gas giants. They are not feeling our pain.

There has not been an oil refinery built in the US for the past 20 years. 20 years. Since 1985.

Oil and gas usage since that time has gone way up. What’s going on? Well, you see, the free market seeks to maximize profit, which is exactly what the big oil companies are rolling in during our time of crisis. Oil refineries are “stretched to the limit” according to the news. Every threatened disruption spikes gas prices. The free market in its glory. Supply and demand. Tight supply leads to higher prices leads to higher profits. What incentive do the oil companies have to create new refineries or, for that matter, to find more oil? Things are just about right for them now.

That is why the US should step in. Let’s get our head out of our rear ends and recognize that the free market is not always in the best interests of our country. The US should take it upon itself to regulate the gas markets or, in the alternative, to build nationalized oil refineries to compete with the gas guys. That way, our economy is not at the mercy of mercenary gas barons whose goal isn’t to keep the US economy on track or to provide reasonably priced oil and gas, but rather to suck as much money out of the US economy as possible. Shame on us for even thinking that Exxon or Sunoco is the slightest bit concerned about what is best for America!

Blawgerman

Even More World's Least Likely Books!!!!

Even More World’s Least Likely Books


Got some feedback. One person suggested the following:

Cat Nipped
Roy Horn

Ouch! That’s cold.


How ‘bout these?

Secrets to Graceful Aging
Mick Jagger


How to Act
Sylvester Stallone


Oil is Not for Profit
The Exxon Company


My Son is Real Smart
George H. Bush


Like I Care About You
Oprah


Wholesome Hollywood Relationships
Heidi Fleiss


My Son is Real Smart
Barbara Bush


Blood Doping for Dummies
Lance Armstrong


Blawgerman

World's Least Likely Books -- Part III

The World’s Least Likely Books -- Part III


Top 100 Whale Recipes
Greenpeace


Conservative Til the End
Dennis Rodman


Youth Ministry
Michael Jackson


The Flawless Wardrobe
Janet Jackson


Sex Shouldn’t Sell
Madonna


Natural Beauty
Joan Rivers


My Brother’s Real Smart
Jeb Bush


Don’t Be A Potty Mouth
Howard Stern


Stop Being Opinionated!
Rush Limbaugh


Fidelity
Bill Clinton


I Don’t Want the Presidency!
Hillary Clinton

More World's Least Likely Books

More World's Least Likely Books (Anonymous Submissions)


Let Conscience Be Your Guide

O.J. Simpson



Wrong and Sorry

Donald Rumsfeld



Super Bowl Quarterback

Joey Harrington



In Praise of Older Women

Woody Allen



Let Conscience Be Your Guide

Martha Stewart and Arthur Anderson



The Fairness of the French

Lance Armstrong



How to Direct and Produce Wholesome Family Videos

Pamela Anderson


How to Perfect Live Singing

Ashley Simpson




Sarcasm Sucks!

Mike Villar

World's Least Likely Books

The World’s Least Likely Books


My Dieting Secrets
Mike Villar


Best Hair Makeovers
Vin Diesel


Mature Relationships
Monica Lewinsky


Tips for Using Proper English
Arnold Swartzenneggar


How to Build a Healthy Marriage
Elizabeth Taylor


Act Like A Grown Up
Michael Jackson


Modesty
Anna Nicole Smith


Drugs Are for Dummies
Ozzie Ozborne


Secrets to Weight Gain
Paris Hilton


How To Avoid Capture
Saddam Hussein


A Layman’s Guide to Nukeular Bombs
George Bush


How to Direct and Produce Wholesome Family Videos
Paris Hilton


Strength Training Without Steroids
Rafael Palmiero

The Silence is Deafening!

The Silence is Deafening!!!!

Wow.

Two blogs on Jury Trials and Trials by Ordeal and only one response!

Eerie.

You guys usually let me know what you think.

This time? Stone cold silence.

What's up?

Blawgerman

Trial by Jury -- What an Ordeal!!!!!

TRIAL BY JURY – What An Ordeal!!!!!

As we saw yesterday, the predecessor to the Trial by Jury was the little ditty known as Trial by Ordeal. The idea was “God Help the Innocent.” These Ordeals were religious events used to determine the guilt or innocence of an individual. The Trial by Ordeal was replaced with a Jury Trial. Much better.........


We know so much better now. You’d never find us using something as crass and unrealistic as a Trial by Ordeal. Imagine....making someone grab a cross and waiting to see if they heal or infect. How preposterous! Our system depends upon the jury trial. A trial by our peers. No longer do we have to appeal to God to help declare our innocence after undergoing a physical Ordeal!

No, what we have is much more scientific.... and much more civilized......

Let’s see. The Judge is the chief priest. He wears a robe and is in charge of all protocol within the confines of the sanctuary (courtroom, sorry). The prosecutor and defense attorney are the clergy, each in charge of making sure everyone stands when they are supposed to and sits when they are supposed to. In addition, each person will occasionally articulate Latin phrases at the appropriate times and sometimes may even utter something approaching English, but usually unintelligible to the layperson.

The Jury is the means by which truth is found. They are the “finders of fact.” The Ordeal involves both prosecutor and defense attorney struggling to admit as many “potential facts” to the jury as possible, with the Judge deciding which potential facts the jury should hear and which they should not. Once the trial is complete, the Judge murmurs the ritual incantation of Jury Instructions to the jury and they are told to retire to a small, enclosed room. The Bailiff stands and swears to allow the Jurors “neither meat nor drink” unless the Court orders and to keep all outside influences from the Jury. The Jury then deliberates. Once they come to a decision, the Jury Foreperson sends a note to the Judge, who reviews the Verdict. The note is sent back to the Foreperson, who announces the finding of fact by the Jury. The Guilt or Innocence (or non-guilt) of the party has been discovered!!!!! Or has it?

Tell me, isn’t a jury trial simply our choice of Ordeal?....our Judicium Dei? God help the innocent! Did God help OJ? Did the Jury find the “facts” there? What about where the Jury finds the “facts” that convict people who are later freed because of DNA evidence which shows that they couldn’t possibly have committed the crime in question?

What about the accused? His Ordeal is the Ordeal of Trial by Jury. What if the Jury doesn’t like him because of his Race? Nationality? Culture? Religion (like, say, he wears a Turban) ? Looks? What if he’s ugly and stutters? What if he’s stupid? What if the “victim” is lying? What if the police lie? What if the Jury doesn’t like the accused’s attorney? What if the Judge is a former prosecutor and favors the prosecution? What if the Judge is up for re-election and this is a high-profile case? What if the Judge favors the defense? What if the Judge doesn’t allow evidence to get to the Jury that would help the accused?

The point is.....why do we have this overwhelming confidence that the Jury will necessarily make the right call? Is our need to believe that our Justice system generally treats everyone equally in our Egalitarian Country so strong that we simply can’t stop to look and see if maybe the Emperor is naked?

We sleep better when we believe that bad people get punished and innocent people are vindicated. Are we just taking Sominex and calling it good?

Blawgerman

Trial By Ordeal -- Help me! I'm Innocent!!!!

TRIAL BY ORDEAL – Help me! I’m innocent!!!!!!

Judicium Dei – God will help the innocent.

The Trial by Ordeal was used in Europe until at least the Age of Enlightenment. It was used to determine the guild or innocence of an accused person by subjecting them to a painful task. The innocent person completed the task uninjured or his wounds would heal properly. The guilty would suffer injury or his wounds would fester.

In Europe, it was not uncommon for a person to have to lay hands on a white-hot cross while walking a certain number of steps (usually 9). If his hands came through unscathed or if they healed properly, the person was declared innocent because God had justified him. Other variations of trial by ordeal included the following innovative truth-finding techniques:

Grabbing a stone out of a pot of boiling water (oil was occasionally used) – the innocent would not suffer infection.

Casting the accused into water with a millstone around his neck – the innocent would not sink (the weight of the crime did not press upon the innocent). A variation of this Ordeal was used to determine whether women were witches. They were bound and thrown into the water. The innocent person would sink and, of course, be rescued before drowning. The guilty would float and be taken off to various tortures. It was thought that they floated because they had renounced Christian Baptism. One variation of this Ordeal said that the guilty would sink. In this Ordeal, the guilty was left to drown in the watery depths.

Feeding the accused a morsel of consecrated bread – the guilty would, of course, choke on the holy bread. (The priest would determine the size and relative freshness of the chunk of bread fed to the accused).

Of course, these various Ordeals were done under the close control and supervision of the local clergy. The main idea of Trial by Ordeal was that God would vindicate the Innocent. The Ordeals were done with the pomp and ceremony befitting a religious ritual.

Trial by Ordeal was abolished in England in 1220. It’s replacement? Trial by Jury. Stay tuned to the next blog to consider whether Trial by Jury is a better alternative than Trial by Ordeal and to examine what, if any, differences exist between them.

Blawgerman.

Bare Midriff Strikes a "Chord"

Wow.

Lots of responses have piled in since the Bare Midriff blog. Here are some of the comments:


First Comment:

El Blawgeeeto, [I have no idea what "El Blawgeeto" means except that it is some type of Spanglish derivative of Blawgerman]

For me the struggle is not to "bare" my midriff, inner or outer, but to "bear" my multisituational midriff. I think that I would rather "beer" my midriff....at least the "beering" would somewhat modify the "bearing" of the "baring".

I think the term "beer-belly" is much more noble than "bare-belly". At least there is purpose in a beer-belly. A thin guy trying to brag about his chugging ability to a truck driver from Waco that hasn't had a tee-shirt cover his navel in years has a surealistic aire to it. But take heart, my significant midrifficant, most of the Kings of England wore loose fitting regal attire for a reason....to allow breathing. But my history books tell me that these fat kings had thin chicks for queens that could wear tight fitting goat-skin tee shirts, and mini pants without ruining the King's apetite. It's good to be King. I think the saying, "I just lost my head," came from a thin chick/queen trying to encourage a fat King by telling him what I am telling you..... "keep your chins up." There is so much food and so little time.

The Rabbit King


Second comment:

Show us a picture of your belly, Blawgerman!



My Response:

You do not want to see a picture of my belly. Besides, I have no wide-angle lens. I will attribute that request to temporary (or permanent) insanity and will act like no one really wants to see the wide expanse of skin that makes up my gut.

Blawgerman.

Baring My Inner Midriff -- Yuck!

Baring My Inner Midriff -- Yuck!

Ok. I’m not a dainty guy. In fact, I am so large that I have my own gravity. I asked the doctor how I could lose thirty pounds of ugly fat and she told me to cut off my head! The point is, I know that I’m fat. No one needs to tell me not to wear the Speedo to the pool or to the beach. I am well aware of the fact that merely seeing me in a Speedo will necessitate intensive therapy for most. (The question is, will thinking about me in a Speedo have the same effect? – Let me know).

Now, I am in touch with my inner fatness. I am aware of my impact on those around me. Why is it, do you wonder, that most girls and women under 25 years of age don’t seem to have the same self awareness?

The scourge of Brittney Spears is the bare midriff. Sure, it’s been around…..but never in force like it has since the Brittney invasion. All of a sudden, the midsection is the rage. Commercials tell us how to have a “tone, sexy chord” and informertials pound us with all sorts of gadgets designed to firm up the gut. You can even buy a “six pack abs” how-to video by “fitness celebrity” Jon Basedow. (what is a “fitness celebrity?) (what if I have “keg abs?”)

With all of this midsection obsession, young women of all shapes and sizes have determined that the best way to look good is to bare what they got, so to speak. While women of all shapes and sizes have taken on the bare-midriff look, the problem is that only about 2 shapes and sizes of women can make that look work for them. For the rest, well…..in some cases thinking of me in a Speedo is preferable.

What prompts a person to push and cajole their body into skintight pants that barely cover their crotch and then to top off the wardrobe with a shirt that is two sizes two small? Most times, the effect is both startling and disturbing.

I don’t get it…..I know that there is an emphasis on feeling good about one’s self in our society, but I don’t want to flaunt the rolls of fat that I have to strangers and friends simply because I feel good about my body. Just because I may feel good in a Speedo does not give me the inclination to wear one downtown. I would even hope that my friends and family would hit me over the head with a blunt object before letting me parade my extra pounds in full view of the public.

If I can recognize that my shape and image is not appropriate for public viewing, I think that most women can have that same insight. Please.

Remember, if the bare-midriff look ever comes in for men, I promise not to be a slave to fashion!

Blawgerman

The Most Famous Hog in History....Three Legs Is Better Than None

The Most Famous Hog In History.....Three Legs is Better Than None.

On a recent trip to visit a family friend, I was amazed to see a three-legged hog roaming loose on the farm. When I spoke to Tom, he told me that the hog was like family to him. Intrigued, I asked him how the hog lost his hind leg.

“Well, see, I was working on a tractor and didn’t notice that the durn thing was leaking gas. I didn’t even see that the gas was spreading and getting closer and closer to my ash tray with my cigarette burning in it. All of a sudden, this hog runs into the barn and grabs me by the scuff of my shirt and drags me out of the barn just as the tractor exploded! I would have been killed!”

“Wow,” I said. “That’s amazing. So he lost his leg in the explosion?”

“Oh, no,” my friend replied.

“Well, I don’t get it. How did the hog lose his leg?”

“Well, there was the time that me and the family was asleep in the house when an electrical fire started downstairs. We was all asleep upstairs. Next thing you know, the hog had run into the house oinking at the top of his little lungs. He jumped on our bed and got us up and out of the house. We looked up and realized our son was still in the house. Next thing you know, the darndest thing happened. That hog had gone into the house and grabbed my son. He took my kid and jumped out of the window with him. Saved my kid’s life.”

“I don’t believe it!” I said. “That has got to be the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard. So the pig lost his leg in the fire?”

“No,” replied my friend.

“Well, was it in the jump?” I asked.

“Not really,” said Tom.

Frustrated, I finally blurted out, “Then what the heck happened to the hog’s leg?”

“See,” said Tom, “when you have a hog that good, you just can’t eat him all at once.”


Blawgerman

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, What Have You Done?

Bad, Bad, Bad.

Didn't believe me? The suds swindler rammed into these cars which rammed into the attached garage of a home just off the road. Bad Boys. Bad.



If you can't see the picture on your e-mail, go to www.imokyousuck.blogspot.com.

Blawgerman

Cruise Knows Pseudo-Sciences!

Tom Cruise Knows a Pseudo-Science When He Sees One!!!!


If you read yesterday's blog about Cruise Missiles, you saw where Tom Cruise stated that psychiatry is a pseudo-science! Tom warns us that there are no chemical imbalances and that the pseudo-science of psychiatry will lead us to the "Brave New World."

Interestingly enough, Tom may know the history of psychiatry, but does he really understand the history of his own "religion," Scientology. You can visit their website at www.scientology.org if you don't believe what I am going to tell you.

A basic tenent of Scientology is the improvement of oneself through the use of "auditing" sessions with a cleric in the Church of Scientology. The auditing sessions are designed to make you aware of spiritual "problem areas" so that you can address your own shortcomings. The auditing sessions are done with a religious tool called the "E-Meter." (I wish I was kidding!)(You can see this bad boy in the upper left corner of this blog -- if you can't see it, go to www.imokyousuck.blogspot.com and you'll be able to see it there)

The E-Meter is .....well, I guess I can't say it better than the Scientologists themselves, who say the following at their website:

"E-Meter is a shortened term for electropsychometer. It is a religious artifact used as a spiritual guide in auditing. It is for use only by a Scientology minister or a Scientology minister-in-training to help the preclear locate and confront areas of spiritual upset.

In itself, the E-Meter does nothing. It is an electronic instrument that measures mental state and change of state in individuals and assists the precision and speed of auditing. The E-Meter is not intended or effective for the diagnosis, treatment or prevention of any disease.

The book Understanding the E-Meter offers a simple explanation of how the E-Meter works and what it actually measures. In order to understand what the E-Meter does, it is necessary to understand some basic Scientology concepts.

There are three basic parts of man — mind, body and thetan. The thetan is an immortal spiritual being — the individual himself. He (the thetan) inhabits a body, which is a carbon-oxygen machine. He has a mind, which is a collection of mental image pictures he has created. These pictures have weight and mass and can impinge on the person when he is emotionally upset.

This is what makes the E-Meter read — the impingement of such pictures against the body. The E-Meter puts a very small electrical current (approximately one-and-a-half volts) through the body. This is about the same amount of current as in the average battery-powered wristwatch. When a person thinks a thought, looks at a picture, reexperiences an incident or when he shifts some part of the pictures in his mind, he is moving and changing actual mental mass and energy. These changes in the person’s mind affect the tiny flow of electrical energy generated by the E-Meter, which causes the needle on its dial to move.

The E-Meter thus measures changes that are caused by the spiritual being in his own mind (i.e., the movement of mental masses around him) and in this capacity, it is a religious artifact.

The E-Meter is used to help the individual who is being audited uncover truth. By locating areas of mental or spiritual trauma, the E-Meter helps both the auditor and the preclear locate exactly what to address in auditing."


Amazing! Tom Cruise has the audacity to call psychiatry a pseudo-science when he routinely hooks himself up to an e-meter to let a scientology minister "audit" him. I think that Mr. Cruise is in dire need of some intensive auditing.......he may even be suffering from a chemical imbalance himself......He may even need to see a, God forbid, psychiatrist!

Blawgerman

Cruise Missiles!!!!

CRUISE MISSILES!!!!!!!

Duck! Here comes another Cruise Missile!

The last one bopped Brooke Shields right in the kisser. What am I talking about? Tom Cruise, of course. Everyone's favorite Scientologist (behind John Travolta, that is). Scientology is a religion started by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard.

During an interview with Matt Lauer, Mr. Cruise let fly a missile at Brooke Shields because he heard that she took antidepressants after the birth of her child. Here's what Top Gun said:


Cruise: I've never agreed with psychiatry, ever. Before I was a Scientologist I never agreed with psychiatry. And when I started studying the history of psychiatry, I understood more and more why I didn't believe in psychology. And as far as the Brooke Shields thing, look, you got to understand, I really care about Brooke Shields. I think, here's a wonderful and talented woman. And I want to see her do well. And I know that psychiatry is a pseudo science.

Lauer: But Tom, if she said that this particular thing helped her feel
better, whether it was the antidepressants or going to a counselor or
psychiatrist, isn't that enough?

Cruise: Matt, you have to understand this. Here we are today, where I talk out against drugs and psychiatric abuses of electric shocking people, okay, against their will, of drugging children with them not knowing the effects of these drugs. Do you know what Aderol is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that?

Lauer: The difference is -

Cruise: No, no, Matt.

Lauer: This wasn't against her will, though.

Cruise: Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt -

Lauer: But this wasn't against her will.

Cruise: Matt, I'm asking you a question.

Lauer: I understand there's abuse of all of these things.

Cruise: No, you see. Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.

Lauer: Aren't there examples, and might not Brooke Shields be an example, of someone who benefited from one of those drugs?

Cruise: All it does is mask the problem, Matt. And if you understand the history of it, it masks the problem. That's what it does. That's all it does. You're not getting to the reason why. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.

Lauer: So, postpartum depression to you is kind of a little psychological gobbledygook -

Cruise: No. I did not say that.

Lauer: I'm just asking what you, what would you call it?

Cruise: No. No. Abso- Matt, now you're talking about two different things.

Lauer: But that's what she went on the antidepressant for.

Cruise: But what happens, the antidepressant, all it does is mask the problem. There's ways, [with] vitamins and through exercise and various things... I'm not saying that that isn't real. That's not what I'm saying. That's an alteration of what I'm saying. I'm saying that drugs aren't the answer, these drugs are very dangerous. They're mind-altering, antipsychotic drugs. And there are ways of doing it without that so that we don't end up in a brave new world. The thing
that I'm saying about Brooke is that there's misinformation, okay. And she doesn't understand the history of psychiatry. She doesn't understand in the same way that you don't understand it, Matt.

Lauer: But a little bit of what you're saying Tom is, you say you want people to do well. But you want them do to well by taking the road that you approve of, as opposed to a road that may work for them.

Cruise: No, no, I'm not.

Lauer: Well, if antidepressants work for Brooke Shields, why isn't that okay?

Cruise: I disagree with it. And I think that there's a higher and better quality of life. And I think that, promoting - for me personally, see, you're saying what, I can't discuss what I wanna discuss?

Lauer: No. You absolutely can.

Cruise: I know. But Matt, you're going in and saying that, that I can't discuss this.

Lauer: I'm only asking, isn't there a possibility that - do you examine the possibility that these things do work for some people? That yes, there are abuses. And yes, maybe they've gone too far in certain areas. Maybe there are too many kids on Ritalin. Maybe electric shock -

Cruise: Too many kids on Ritalin? Matt.

Lauer: I'm just saying. But aren't there examples where it works?

Cruise: Matt. Matt, Matt, you don't even - you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay? That's what I've done. Then you go and you say where's the medical test? Where's the blood test that says how much Ritalin you're supposed to get?

Lauer: It's very impressive to listen to you. Because clearly, you've done the homework. And you know the subject.

Cruise: And you should. And you should do that also. Because just knowing people who are on Ritalin isn't enough. You should be a little bit more responsible in knowing really -

Lauer: I'm not prescribing Ritalin, Tom. And I'm not asking anyone else to do it. I'm simply saying, I know some people who seem to have been helped by it.

Cruise: But you're saying this is a very important issue.

Lauer: I couldn't agree more.

Cruise: It's very - and you know what? You're here on the "Today" show.

Lauer: Right.

Cruise: And to talk about it in a way of saying, "Well, isn't it okay," and being reasonable about it when you don't know and I do, I think that you should be a little bit more responsible in knowing what it is.

Lauer: But -

Cruise: Because you communicate to people.

Lauer: But you're now telling me that your experiences with the people I know, which are zero, are more important than my experiences.

Cruise: What do you mean by that?

Lauer: You're telling me what's worked for people I know or hasn't worked for people I know. I'm telling you, I've lived with these people and they're better.

Cruise: So, you're advocating it.

Lauer: I am not. I'm telling you in their case, in their
individual case, it worked. I am not gonna go out and say, "Get your kids on Ritalin. It's the cure-all and the end-all."

Cruise: Matt, but here's the point. What is the ideal scene for life? Okay. The ideal scene is someone not having to take antipsychotic drugs.

Lauer: I would agree.

Cruise: Okay. So, now you look at a departure from that ideal scene, is someone taking drugs, okay. And then you go, okay. What is the theory and the science behind that, that justifies that?

Lauer: Let me take this more general, because I think you and I can go around in circles on this for awhile. And I respect your opinion. Do you want more people to understand Scientology? Would that be a goal of
yours?

Cruise: You know what? Absolutely. Of course, you know.

Lauer: How do you go about that?

Cruise: You just communicate about it. And the important thing is, like you and I talk about it, whether it's okay, if I want to know something, I go and find out. Because I don't talk about things that I don't understand. I'll say, you know what? I'm not so sure about that. I'll go find more information about it so I can come to an opinion based on the information that I have.

Lauer: You're so passionate about it.


WOW!!! Psychiatry is a psuedo-science! No one understands the problem with psychiatry the way that Mr. Cruise does, and certainly Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields don't know jack. Pretty impressive from a guy who is an advocate of Scientology, which, of course, ISN'T a psuedo-science. Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog where you will discover what an E-Meter is and how it helps Mr. Cruise. If you can't wait, see for yourself at www.scientology.org.


Blawgerman